Breakups are the worst! I mean, who wants to go through heartache and have to dedicate time and effort to heal and move on. Not only are you having to handle your own emotional turmoil but now you are spotting signs that you ex is pretending to be over you.
Your ex will tell anyone that will listen that he is over you, but since your break up you have been noticing some pretty shady behaviour, which gives you a reason to believe otherwise. You may still love him and want him back and you may not. However, you feel about your ex below are some signs that your ex is not over you.
1. He posting on social media more than usual
There’s nothing like posting on social media to show the world you are living your best life. Your ex never used to be a big user of Instagram and Snapchat, but since the break-up, he is giving Kim K a run for her money. There are regular selfies of him looking his best, outings with friends and reposts of the typical breakup quotes that allude to the fact that they are now wiser and happier.
The classic ‘jealousy pics’ also show him engaging in activities with someone whose face you cannot see. Still, he has shown you just enough to know that he is with a female, hoping that this will grab your attention and a screenshot will end up in the group chat with your gals and fill you with jealously, rage and hurt.
If this is the case for you, he is likely doing this for your benefit by trying to prove that he is doing just fine without you. He may be even trying to make it appear that his life is better now you are not in it.
Your ex’s subtle attempts at trying to make you jealous on social media haven’t gone unnoticed. In fact, you are feeling pretty bummed about this. As much as he is trying to convince you he is doing okay, it is also very likely that he is trying to convince himself that he is over you.
It is not uncommon for someone to find it difficult to come to terms with a breakup, and this can lead to some dismissing how they truly feel to avoid having to grieve from the relationship that they were once in.
2. He gets into a new relationship very soon after your breakup
Your ex is on the rebound, so soon after your break up, he is in another relationship. Whilst everyone is different, and there is no magic formula to tell you how long you should stay single, this could be a sign that your ex is pretending to be over you. Whilst he probably hasn’t committed to someone else just to make you jealous (if he has psycho alert) frequently people get into new relationships to distract them from having to heal from the old one.
Breakups can hurt, and it can be challenging to adjust to life without your partner, According to VeryWellMind rebound relationships are about an individual who has experienced a difficult break up trying to meet their social, physical and emotional needs and that the individual may not even recognise the emotional turmoil they are in.
With that being said, If you ex is in a new relationship then it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is happy in it or that it will last.
3. He is engaging in social media ‘stalking’
Your ex has removed you from all his social media accounts, deleted your number and sent you to Coventry, yet he knows so much about what is going on in your life even though you have not been together for a while.
Every outing you have with your gal pals and every Instagram story or post that shows signs that you are moving on, or having fun, your ex appears to know. This type of behaviour shows signs that your ex is pretending to be over you.
It is pretty standard for both parties to engage in ‘social media stalking’ after a breakup. A dating expert Anita A Chliala in EliteDaily states that people do this because they want to see if their ex is happier without them and they are having a hard time accepting the fact that the relationship is over.
Trina Leckie also explains how stalking your ex on socials can be pretty harmful because it prevents you from moving on; it will cause you to miss them and could even make you depressed.
If you know or are suspicious of the fact that your ex is stalking your social media, then you may want to hit the BLOCK button. This might prevent you from also being tempted to snoop!
4. He is hostile towards you
You bump into them, you see them now again because you share mutual friends, or you may even have loose ends that you both need to tie up, so communication with one another is a must. Whatever the reason for your contact, when you see each other or speak, he is very hostile and sometimes displays anger towards you.
Hostility and anger are signs that your ex is pretending to be over you. When people have truly moved on with their lives and are at peace with what has happened in the past they rarely show ill feelings towards anyone.
If your ex is being hostile towards you, limit communication as much as you can and do not do match his behaviour as that could make it worse.
5. He won’t tie-up ‘loose ends’
As much as you would like ‘no contact’ after a tough breakup, sometimes that just isn’t possible, and there are ‘loose ends’ that need tying up before you can both move on and begin a clean slate. Perhaps you and your ex lived together, or financial arrangements need to be arranged.
For the last few weeks, he has given every excuse in the world as to why he cannot come and collect his things, why you cannot get yours, and why he has still not changed the deeds on the car you shared.
If your ex is acting as if he has moved forward but making it difficult to sort these affairs, then this is a sign that he is pretending to be over you. Your ex is likely finding it very difficult coming to terms with the fact that your relationship is now over and he is refusing or making it difficult to tie up loose ends. This is probably because he is holding on to hope that the relationship can be salvaged and the pair of you will reconcile. If he finalising things, then there will also be no further need to communicate with one another and he still wants you in his life.
Your ex could also be doing this in order to be spiteful for trying to string you along as a way of trying to have some form of control over you and the situation.
6. He is bad mouthing you
Breakups can indeed be very messy and as much as no one wants to have to endure the aftermath of a messy break up the reality is that they are always amicable.
If your ex is bad-mouthing you to anyone who will listen then he is showing signs that he is pretending to be over you. He is likely, angry hurt and upset, especially if he felt he was mistreated. This degree of bitterness has now manifested into trash talking about you on social media, to your friends and family or to anyone that knows you.
This blatant assignation of your reputation and character can have detrimental effects on you and of course, can hurt your feelings. It may also be coming between you and the people you love and care about. If your ex is trying to tarnish your name the best thing to do is to try to communicate with him openly and honestly about how it is making you feel, consider cutting him off completely or simply ignoring it. It’s probably best to not try to play him at his own game and rise to his level as this could make things worse.
7. He is being very nice to you
You have never known your ex to be this friendly! When you were together you used to have to force him to be friendly with your friends and family, now he is being a bit too nice to you! If this is out of character then it is likely to be trying to hide how he really feels! The phrase ‘kill em with kindness’ comes to mind!
Final thoughts
Whilst you may be observing this behaviour and have an inkling that your ex is showing signs that he is pretending to be over you , this does not mean they definitely want to get back with you. You can love someone and still not want to be with them. Love and feelings don’t usually disappear overnight.
It is also important to remember that pride and ego might be causing the above behaviour. They say time is a greatest healer, whatever your ex is doing to pretend to be over you, I should imagine that as time passes they will eventually move on with their life.
The best thing that you can do is set clear boundaries and focus on yourself and your healing. You are not responsible for anyone else.
Read more on the benefits of being single
With love and light, always xox
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