How To Stop Being Taken For Granted In Your Relationship

We can all admit that relationships are hard work and not quite the fairy tale that is portrayed in the movies.

In romantic relationships, we are vulnerable to all kinds of difficulties, and we must build strength and resilience to get through with our partner. One in which is being taken for granted in your relationship.

I am sure many couples who have been together for a while will agree that at some point in the relationship, there have been times when they have felt that they have been taken for granted!

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It was my partner’s and I’s 5-year anniversary, and to celebrate, I had booked a table at an upmarket restaurant that I had wanted to try!

The atmosphere was great, the food was impeccable, and I looked and felt amazing (it had been a while since I had dressed up).

Despite this, sadly, I was not having a good time! The reason: My partner!

I practically had to force him to come out and celebrate our anniversary; what pissed me off even more was that he didn’t even have the decency to tell me I looked nice!

I could feel his energy as we sat at the table; he did not want to be there.

At this point, I blamed myself for pressuring him to come when he clearly didn’t want to, but I genuinely believed that once out, we would get our spark back, and he would remember how we used to be.

This was a world away from the man I had met five years prior, where we would have regular date nights, and even a minor change in hairstyle would make him lust after me!

This wasn’t the only incident; he had become too complacent, and I felt I was being taken for granted.

I felt most things I did for him, whether small or big, were not appreciated. When times were challenging, particularly with my job, I felt I wasn’t supported the way I wanted.

I was in a relationship, but I felt very alone. It got to the point where I was spending more time out of the house as emotions were often running high, and I wanted to avoid arguments and tension.

Feeling that you are being taken for granted can have serious implications for your relationship if you do not address it.

Being taken for granted:

Being taken for granted is when appreciation or gratitude is not shown for your efforts, and you may even be expected to act in a certain way or do certain things.

 No efforts are made to ensure that your wants and needs are met. The person taking you for granted will likely assume that everything is fine.

 Feeling that you are being taken for granted can have serious implications for your relationship if you do not address it.

It can lead to you becoming bitter and resentful, and this may cause the relationship to become toxic, whereby you both wind up being unhappy.

Look at it like this: if you don’t feel appreciated at work, it will likely affect your performance, and you won’t care to give your work 100%. The same goes for your relationship; you will eventually get tired of making an effort and receiving nothing in return.  

When you are being taken for granted, you are likely putting more into the relationship than you are getting back.

If, like myself, you are feeling underappreciated in your relationship, then the good thing is that it can easily be resolved with your partner.

Signs you may be being taken for granted:

• You do all the household chores without help

• There is an expectation that you should do all the household chores

• There is little effort made on your partner’s side for date nights or quality time together

• When you do spend together, they act like they do not want to be there

• Gratitude of appreciation isn’t shown for the things you do for them, in fact, it is expected  

• Nice things you do for them are not reciprocated

• You do not feel much affection in the relationship

• You do not feel like you are being listened to

• You don’t feel like you are being supported

• They don’t notice when you make changes to yourself, or they do not compliment you

• They do not consult you when making decisions

• They assume that you will be okay with things without asking if you actually are

• You don’t feel your needs are not being met

What you can do to feel appreciated again:

Talk to your partner:

If you do not feel valued or appreciated, you must speak up and let your partner know!

You may even find that your partner does not realize he has taken you for granted.

What you allow will continue, so letting them know how you feel can lead to changed behavior on their part.

Tips for broaching the subject:

• Listen to your partner – You may find that there are other issues that your partner brings up that you were not aware of and that may have contributed to their behavior

• Remain calm – This means that your conversations will less likely to lead to an argument

• Don’t blame your partner – You won’t get anywhere if you start playing the blame game, and likely will prevent your partner from opening up

• Be honest – In order for you to address your problems, you are going to need to be honest with your partner. You may feel the need to hold back on how they have made you feel, but then your partner will not get a true representation of the extent of how it is impacting on you.

Create boundaries:

Having boundaries is important to maintaining a healthy relationship. It can help reduce conflict and enable you and your partner to be clear on expectations.

Psych Central explains that boundaries can help you keep your sense of identity and personal space.

Having boundaries in relationships doesn’t always mean the relationship will not have its fair share of difficulties. Boundaries can sometimes be blurred, and eventually, they may not be upheld, so from time to time, you may need to establish them again.  

Take some time for yourself:

When we are having difficulties, we can often be so preoccupied with the relationship that it is difficult to focus on anything else.  

Being preoccupied with our relationships can blur our vision and prevent us from managing these difficulties.

You do not need to didn’t move out of the house, but be sure to do some things alone and fit in some ‘me time’.

Alone time will help you to recharge and think about the relationship with a clear mind.  It also means you can think about your own desires and needs.

Have empathy:

Whilst you may be pissed off that you are being taken for granted, look at it from a point of empathy and try to understand your partner.

Oftentimes, your partner may not realize that they are taking you for granted, or sometimes, there may be some circumstances that are causing them to behave in the way they are.  

Perhaps your partner has been stressed at work and is struggling to focus on anything else, so your relationship has suffered.

Empathy means you are less likely to hold resentment and ill feelings toward your partner because you come from a place of understanding.