Moving on from an ex can be incredibly difficult after a breakup. Breakups can be hard, emotionally draining and can also be very messy. It can damage your self-esteem and self-worth, affect other relationships around you such as family and friends, damage your physical and mental well-being and it truly has the capacity to affect every aspect of your life. You will likely wonder if you will ever feel ‘normal’ again and how you can move on from an ex.  

Due to you reading this, I am guessing you want to move on from your ex partner and you are wondering how to do so but we all differ, so how we move on from your ex will vary from person to person, but it’s important that we try to participate in healthy behaviours to enable us to heal and move forward in the best way possible and following the below steps will enable you to do so. 

How To Move On From An Ex:

1. Cut all contact

You may still be in contact with your ex, but what will this achieve? If the relationship cannot be salvaged, you will be doing yourself no favours in the long run. 

Whether you are still in love with your ex or glad the relationship is over, communicating with them will delay you moving on and can even complicate things further, leading to more heartache and confusion. 

Perhaps your ex is the one that keeps contacting you; either way, both scenarios are going to make it difficult for you to move on. 

I appreciate that cutting contact can be difficult, however, the thought of doing is often more anxiety-provoking than actually doing it, and it gets a lot easier as time goes on. 

In some circumstances cutting communication can simply not be done because of children or other obligations, but in this case, you should set clear boundaries with your ex in regards to when communication is necessary and ensure these boundaries are upheld. 

Cutting all communication includes no texting, calling, interacting in places where they will be or on social media, and certainly no online stalking!  

2. Surround yourself with loved ones

Spending time with our most valued and trusted ones can be a lifeline when we are trying to move on from an ex. We should never underestimate the power of being with friends and family to get you through a difficult situation.  

They are there to provide a listening ear when hurt and upset, reinforce our self-worth and can be the distraction we are tempted to make contact or think about them. 

Surrounding yourself with loved ones can be good for the healing process because it gives us the opportunity to focus on all the amazing things and people we have in our life. 

I appreciate that not everyone is lucky enough to have friends and family we can turn to in our hour of need, so if this is the case for you, this would be the perfect time to begin building relationships and make new friends. You can do this by starting a hobby, joining a class, or even joining a friendship app. Putting all your energy into making new friends will give you something else to focus on when you are moving on from your ex.

3. Enjoy yourself

Day trips with the girls, hanging out with the boys, or even treating yourself to your favourite takeaway and binge-watching your favourite series. Enjoying yourself will undoubtedly take your mind off your ex, and you could do with a healthy distraction from time to time, so no better way to do something we love and enjoy. 

Enjoying yourself is also effective for improving your emotional well-being, and there are many benefits to having fun, such as:

– Minimising stress 

– Helping you build and maintain relationships 

-Helping you to relax 

-Enable you to focus on joyful moments 

-Creating good memories

4. Focus on self love

“Loving ourselves is the great miracle cure, loving ourselves work miracles in our life”

– Louise Hay

Love yourself!! No one wants to hear it when you are trying to get over an ex who is probably hurting, but seriously, focus on loving yourself. It can help restore self-appreciation and self-worth after a breakup, and help you to heal and prioritise yourself, thus making the break-up a more straightforward process. You can practice self-love by doing the following: 

• Being kind to yourself 
• Accepting your flaws 
• Taking responsibility for ourselves 
• Actively trying to do better in areas in where 
• Understand and acknowledge our worth 
• Putting yourself fist 
• Avoiding criticising yourself
• Forgiving yourself for making mistakes 

The Brain And Behavior Foundation explains how self-love can motivate you to make healthy choices and you are more likely to choose things that nurture well-being and serve you if you have high self-esteem. 

5. Accept that you will experience ‘bad’ days

Moving on from an ex is rarely easy. You devoted time, energy and love to a relationship for it not to work out, and you have to rebuild yourself. 

On this journey, there will be bad days, possibly quite a few, and coming to terms with this will help you to be able to deal with them and yourself. We can get angry and annoyed with ourselves for experiencing emotions we think we shouldn’t be feeling, especially if we have been doing well for weeks, and then suddenly you miss your ex and are tempted to contact them. You think all your hard work has been undone, but it hasn’t, and it’s normal. Accepting that your bad days will allow you to be kinder to yourself when you have them. 

6. Forgive yourself and your partner

Forgiveness will help you move on from your ex. Forgive yourself for mistakes you have made in the relationship, no one is perfect, and we may have done things we are not proud of, but if we don’t forgive ourselves, we can be plagued by negative feelings such as shame, self-hatred, guilt, and resentment and why would anyone want to feel this way all time when we can accept we could of done better, heal from it and learn from it. 

Forgive your ex for the mistakes they have made. You may feel you are excusing their ill-treatment if you forgive them, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. You can forgive someone and still not wish to have them in your life. 

 Psychology today explains how forgiveness get you out of being in ‘victim’ mode, frees you, helps you to move forward and helps your health.  

7. Be okay with still having feelings for your ex

You cannot turn your feelings off from someone when the relationship ends, although I am sure many of us wish we could. We can often be hard on ourselves when we still have feelings for your ex-partner but try to understand that it is totally normal to still love someone and care about them, even when things do not work out. Still holding feelings for them does not mean that you are not moving forward or healing. 

I would also avoid trying to dismiss your own feelings for your ex because denial will keep you trapped and acceptance will set you free. It is okay to acknowledge you still love them and maybe even miss them, your feelings will fade as time passes.

8. Embrace your single status

No better time to put yourself first than when you are trying to move on from an ex. Your new single status comes with many positives, and you should embrace all of them. Doing this will mean you focus less time on the negatives and enable you to accept your situation for what it is which in turn, means you can move forward. 

Being single doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom, in fact, there are many benefits, such as having more time to focus on yourself, friends and family, not having to answer to anyone, more chance of prioritising yourself and putting yourself first.

9. Make time for self-care

In our face paced busy lives, self-care is vital in order to enhance our physical, emotional and mental wellbeing.

Taking time for self-care will help you to move on from an ex as it allows you to put yourself first and focus on your own wants and needs. Break-ups can also be stressful and self-care can help you to alleviate some of those stresses.

Self-care can look like:

• Pampering
• Eating healthy foods
• Treating yourself 
• Meditating 
• Relaxing 
• Doing things you enjoy and that bring you pleasure 
• Starting and leaving work on time
• Having alone time

Final thoughts

Our situations vary, maybe you didn’t want the relationship to end and you are having a difficult time accepting that you are no longer with your partner, or perhaps it was your choice to break up, whatever your situation it is never easy to try and get over an ex but it’s totally doable to achieve this is the healthiest way possible, causing less hurt and pain.

Find what works for you and take each day as it comes, this is not a race and there is no magic formula to rid yourself of all traces of your ex. Moving forward takes a desire and intention. If you want to move on, you most certainly will, after all we can’t sad and depressed forever.