Friendships are very special, often as important to us as family, however the plus side is we get to choose them, but that doesn’t mean that they will be our friends for life!
We will meet various people; some stay in our lives for a long time, others stay for short periods; the vital thing to remember is that not everyone that comes into your life is meant to stay!
Life and its wonderful (sometimes not so wonderful) experiences and lessons cause us to learn and grow as a person, meaning that we constantly evolve. Growth can cause us to change, but change isn’t a bad thing. The aim should always grow into a better people than we were yesterday.
When we experience growth; we can often outgrow lifestyles, possessions and even friends. Outgrowing friends can be an uncomfortable experience, still, as one door closes, another often opens!
1. You’ve outgrown your friendships when we lose interest in the things you used to do together
Often, people who outgrow friendships will experience losing interest in the things they usually do with their friends. Hanging out in pubs and clubs every weekend or those events/hobbies you used to do regularly doesn’t seem that appealing anymore, and you have stopped enjoying it altogether.
It seems strange because you used to love spending your time with your friends participating in these activities but now you only really go to please your friends and/or because it has become a habit.
Amber, 23, tells Daisy In The Dust how she used to live for partying on weekends, but since she fell pregnant with her first child, she could no longer drink alcohol or go to clubs.
“I thought that when I had my baby, things would change, and since I had a supportive family and partner I would be able to socialize with my friends they way I used to, maybe just not as often. However , when my daughter got to an age where I felt I could start socializing properly again, I just found that I never enjoyed it as much as used to, and I actually preferred being at home. This made me the ‘boring’ one in the friendship group and just began to pull away from my friends as they were never down to do anything chilled activities, it made me realize it was time to find friends that share similar interests”.
It is perfectly normal to lose interest in things you once used to enjoy as you grow as a person, your interests, perspective, and opinions can change, and in Ambers case, even lifestyle.
Be true to yourself; politely turn it down if you don’t enjoy it anymore. Our time is valuable, and you shouldn’t spend time on things you do not enjoy doing, especially to please others.
2. You spend less time with them
Life can get hectic sometimes and it’s not uncommon to go without seeing your friends for a while. But as time goes on you begin to spend less and less time with your friend(s) and maybe you don’t even talk as often as you used to. There was once a time when you would always make time in your busy schedule to hang with your friends, but this is no longer a priority for you and you are genuinely happier spending the free time you have doing other things. You may also feel no genuine desire for a long overdue catch-up with your pals and lose interest.
3. You argue and disagree more than usual
Arguments and disagreements are entirely normal in friendships, but it’s important to recognize when it is becoming unhealthy. There was a time when you and your pals would argue and be able to bounce back from it quickly. The next day you or your friend would pop up on ‘Whatsapp’ and resume as normal after a fight, or you would be able to address the disagreements with your friends easily and be able to come to an understanding with one another.
Now the arguments and disagreements are happening more and more often, and it is getting harder to resolve. If this is the case, then it is likely because you have outgrown your friendships.
Ellie, 28, states “my and my best friend got to a point of not getting on at all and we would literally argue about everything. It became quiet toxic, so we both decided to it would be best to part ways for our our mental health health and wellbeing. I missed her at first, but we both knew it was the right thing to do, it’s important to know that things like that don’t just happen in romantic relationships.”
4. You’ve outgrown your friendships when you are less tolerant of your friend’s negative traits
You used to easily brush off your friend(s) negative traits or annoying habits, you were even understanding, but now you find that you are less tolerant towards it, and this can sometimes cause issues in your friendships or cause you to drift apart.
5. You have a desire to make new friends
As humans, we naturally crave connection and we get this from others – our peers, friends, family and colleagues. When we don’t feel that connected to our current friend(s) we can develop a desire to meet new people who are more aligned with who we are and where we are at that particular time in our lives, and who may be able to relate to us in ways that our current friend(s) can no longer do. This is because we have outgrown our friendships and perhaps you are in a long-term relationship and want to start a family, and your current friends are single with no commitments; they live a spontaneous and adventurous lifestyle and you longer wish to live your life like that.
As we go through different phases in our life, it also means that we should be open to different people coming into our life. Life is a journey; we are destined to meet many people along the way, and some come into our lives when they are meant to.
6. You’ve outgrown your friendships when you feel distance between yourself and your friends
There was a time when you and your besties were so close. You would tell each other the most intimate details of your life; you had a great bond and trusted each other with anything. Now you feel that that connection that forms the foundations of a friendship doesn’t appear to be present anymore and you feel distance between you and your friend(s).
When you feel distance, you can decide to try to establish that connection that you once had with your peers or you could accept that it is time to move on.
Shimima, 32, explained that she noticed the ‘vibe’ change with her friends and it made interactions quiet awkward.
“The vibe had been different with myself and my friends for a while. I didn’t feel close to them anymore and I found myself in situations where I would normally call them to share my good or bad news, but I didn’t even have the desire to do that anymore”
7. You’ve outgrown your friendships when you don’t feel supported
We must feel supported by our friends as we all need help from time to time or someone to lean on and share our problems with. Perhaps you are going through a tough time, and you don’t feel that your friends are there to support you, or you are very supportive of your friends, but it is not reciprocated.
lifehack explains how a lack of support can be a devastating experience and give some great tips on what you can do when you feel a lack of support, including sharpening your own coping skills and analyzing why you don’t feel supported.
8. You bitch and moan about them
Do you find yourself complaining about your friend(s) often? If so, then it may be time to let the friendship go.
It is normal for our friends to p*** us off sometimes, and just like with partners and family members, friends can have fallouts too. When the moaning and bitching is happening all the time, this is a sign that the friendship is unhealthy and a reason you may have outgrown your friendships.
Ahna, 27, states ” We are all guilty of being bitchy, but I found myself complaining and bitching about my friend all the time, behind her back and this to me was a sign of an unhealthy friendship. I also felt awful for it too, so I knew it was probably time to move on from this friend, as it was genuinely out of character for me!”
9. You’ve outgrown your friendships when the friendship has become toxic
Sometimes friendships can become toxic and begin impacting our health and well-being and affecting how we feel about ourselves. This type of toxic behaviour can involve bullying, controlling, judging, manipulative, unsupportive and unpleasant behaviour.
If this applies to you deserve to have friends who will, love, care for, support and respect you at all times and just because you are friends it does not mean that we have to tolerate toxic behaviour.
Karen Young in Heysignmund lists signs that toxic people display to help you recognise them.
10. Your friends are holding you back from progressing
You have dreams, plans and goals for the future but you feel like your friends are holding you back from them. This can look like, criticizing your ideas, making you feel bad for progressing, being jealous of your success, not supporting your decisions and influencing or manipulating you to go the opposite of what you wish to do. If your friends are holding you back from moving forward, then you will likely feel hesitant to share your accomplishments with them too.
Kara, 21, states tells Daisy In The Dust… “In college myself and friends didn’t have many aspirations, we would skip classes to get high most days and sometimes we wouldn’t show up at all.
I was naturally quiet clever and didn’t need to put much effort in to make decent grades but going to university was something myself or my friends was never really interested in, until my college teacher told me apply anyway, as I had nothing to loose! I did this and ended up getting into the universities I chose.
Seeing that I had been accepting changed something in me, and I suddenly had a desire to be and do something with myself, so started taking myself seriously and unfortunately, it changed my relationships with my friends. Instead of being supportive they would put me down and assume I thought I was better than them. They also excluded me activities and made fun of me.
I ended up going to university and just left them behind, they were clearly not really friends if they were not happy for me! I figured they wanted to keep me stuck on their level.”
When friends are preventing us from moving forward it’s likely because of their own insecurities and fears that they will be left behind. Nevertheless, your friends should be your biggest supporters, showing love and support for you along your journey.
If you feel your friends are holding you back, then it’s probably time to cut ties and form friendships that encourage growth and progression.
Outgrown friendships doesn’t mean that your friends or yourself are bad people, or you are better than them, it just means that you are on different journeys and at this time your journeys do not align, even if they once did.
We are all here on different paths and not everyone you meet along the path is meant to stay with us forever, that is the beauty of life, people come and people go; we love, learn and grow along the way.
Could you imagine doing life with the same people forever? New blood is needed for growth, development, and to learn some valuable life lessons.
If you are currently feeling like you are drifting apart from friends trust that its okay and life will lead you to form new relationships
xox
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