” So, when can I meet your family? ” my partner said with a big smile.
I shuddered at the thought! We had been dating for six months now, and I had met nearly everyone in his family and his friends, too!
I had been avoiding him meeting my family, but I knew the day would come when he would push me to arrange a meeting!
“Soon” – I responded,
“Yeah, you said that last month!!”
I always hated this part of dating. When things get serious, there is always discussion about meeting family members. I guess the thought wouldn’t fill me with so much anxiety if my family were not completely different from me.
Growing up, I always felt like the ‘black sheep’, and my family certainly made it known that I didn’t mirror their personality traits.
Everything about me was different from that of my family—how I saw the world, how I liked to dress, the music I enjoyed, my morals and values, and my opinions.
I never truly felt understood in my childhood and often felt ostracized for being different or accused of thinking I was ‘better than them’. I often felt I spoke a different language because I was never heard or taken seriously.
This led to feeling lonely and quiet a lot of the time, despite having lots of people around me.
I tried to be more like my family in my teenage years to fit in and feel a sense of belonging. However, this did more harm than good, and it affected my emotional well-being.
Trying to fit in had caused me to become ashamed of who I truly was, and not being true to myself took a toll on my emotional health, leading to depression and anxiety.
During adulthood, life’s twists and turns and lessons (good and bad) led me to realize that my individuality made me special, and instead of feeling ashamed, I should be proud.
I figured that just because we share the same DNA does not mean our values, morals, likes, and dislikes must align.
In an ideal world, it would be great to have a close sibling, a cousin we class as a best friend or even a mother we could tell our deepest, darkest secrets. But life isn’t always ideal—in fact, it is far from ideal—and we have to play the cards we are dealt and I learned that you can still love your family without having anything in common with them or even liking them!
To heal and move forward, I silently forgave my family for not encouraging or supporting my individuality, for not accepting me as I am, and for often making me feel like my being different was a bad thing. I say ‘silently’ because my family would never agree that I have anything to forgive them for!
I developed compassion for my family and understood that when you have been raised to think a certain way, to do certain things and view the world a certain way, I figured it would have been difficult to ‘manage’ something they deemed ‘alien’ to them.
My family did their best with their knowledge and had to accept that to move forward!
“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.”
Richard Batch
The beauty of life is that we meet so many different people and form bonds and emotional and spiritual connections with them. Some last a lifetime, others not so long, but when we needed them, they showed up and brought joy into our lives.
These special people in our lives are who we call family, and the greatest thing about them is we get to choose them!
Family isn’t just bound by blood; you can create your own! One that will support you understand you and have your back.
Time has taught me that being different from my family doesn’t mean I am different for the ‘better’ or ‘worse’; it simply means our values and morals may not align
I used to find it strange when people would say that you choose your parents. Now, I totally can understand and believe that we do because, despite our strained relationship, they have taught me the most valuable lessons in life!
I have learnt to accept that my family are who they are, and I am who I am. I shouldn’t expect them to change who they are, and if I do, then I can’t get upset when they expect me to change. Acceptance has afforded me with the power to not get angry, bitter and upset about who they are.
I eventually plucked up the courage to let my partner meet my family and found that the reason I had been so hesitant about doing this, was fear. I was scared of what my partner would think of me, more so than what he would think of them!
Now I understand I am my own person and I have chosen to walk a path that differs from that of my family, and that is okay. I will continue to embrace my individuality and live how I see fit.
I will also continue to love my family from a healthy distance for my peace of mind and well-being, and I accept them for who they are, but more importantly, I accept myself for who I am!
