The majority of us struggle financially at some point in our lives, some people even struggle financially throughout their entire lives and do what they can to get by., this isn’t uncommon, most of us live pay-check to pay-check and have to plan and save to indulge the treats we love such as holidays and our favourite makeup.
Finances and relationships are a hot topic, after all, money makes the world go round. You only have to tune in to popular podcasts to hear someone discussing who should pay on the first date, or if you should split the expenses 50/50 when cohabitating.
In my 20’s, I was no stranger to financial difficulties, juggling low-paid jobs, whilst I was undertaking my honours degree in Psychology and with little financial support from family, often led to times of being flat broke.
I was living independently; it was a struggle, to say the least. My partner, however, was a few years older and was beginning to establish himself in his career and his circumstances with family meant that he was able to stay at home and save as much as possible.
I had always been self-sufficient and wasn’t one to ask people for help, unless there was no other way of keeping my head above water. Although my partner knew I struggled with money, I tried to keep him from my financial concerns.
When it came to date nights, my partner would pay most of the time and i we would go halves all the other times. Other than this, I never asked him for money and he never asked for money.
Call it wanting me to make my own way and not wanting to rely on anyone, I admittedly had a lot of pride, I had always done things on my own.
There was a time when I got into debt, with loans and credit cards. It had begun to take a toll on my wellbeing and I began to withdraw and suffered a great amount of worry about how I would pay it back. I initially kept my mounting debts from my partner but he suspected there was something wrong, so I eventually told my boyfriend about my situation.
To make matters worse, I had just been informed that my rent was going to be increasing, just another thing to add to the list of things I couldn’t afford.
I eventually figured that the best thing for me to do was to find somewhere cheaper to stay so I could avoid the rent increase and I would have more surplus income to repay the debts, the only issue with this was that I would have needed a deposit and first month’s rent
Not being one to turn to people for financial help, I eventually plucked up the courage to confide in my boyfriend and ask for some financial support, since I knew he could afford it.
Unfortunately for me, my partner turned around and told me that he could not help me, “I got myself into this mess and I needed to get myself out of it” and “I would thank him for it one day,”
After this, I felt terrible and embarrassed for days for asking him and it kept playing on my mind. I confided in a colleague and I remember him telling me that if could afford to help his girlfriend out he would no questions asked. He told me that I didn’t need to feel
After a couple of weeks I had made a huge U-turn and began to resent the fact that he would not help me, my colleague was right, I was struggling and needed supported and he should have been there to support me. I never bought it up again because my pride was not about to beg any man for money and my ego was not about to show him I was too bothered!
It made me think about times when we had spoken about starting a family and living together in the future and it made me question if this was a man i could rely on to support me when times were difficult!
Had the shoe been on the other foot, I would helped my man, because I loved him and I would have hated to see him struggling in despair.
Should a man help his partner financially?
Whilst I understood that my partner was not obligated to help and support me and some of you may say that I was wrong to expect financial help, I was very disappointed and quite angry at the fact that he had the means to help but wouldn’t.
Morally, there were mitigating factors that I was having that I felt would have put me in a good stance. I didn’t get into debt due to spending money on clothes and shoes, it was merely to survive and helping me financially wouldn’t have put him in a difficult position financially.
Say you have recently lost your job, and as a result, you are struggling financially, or you have an unexpected financial obligation that has come up and you don’t have the money to cover it, in those cases I strongly believe that your boyfriend should help you financially. However, I understand that many other factors need to be taken into consideration.
Reasons my partner should have helped me:
Nature of the relationship:
My partner and I had been together for a year, we spent a lot of time together and the relationship was serious. In a serious relationship, your partner may likely feel more inclined to help you financially.
Now, I don’t think anyone should expect a man to help his partner financially if they have not been together for long or the relationship is not serious, if anything men are likely to be put off by women who ask for money early on in the relationship or if you are just getting to know each other.
Means
My partner had the means to help me financially, he had disposable income and savings and I would have never have asked or expected it if he was struggling financially.
Some men would be willing to sacrifice things to help their girlfriend out even if they do not have the disposable income to help.
If your boyfriend is wealthy, you may feel he should help financially, especially if you are struggling, and quite frankly, I don’t believe anyone should blame you for doing so.
Give and take
I did not have the financial means to support my partner if he needed it, but I certainly made up for this in other ways. I cooked him nice meals multiple times per week, and never had a mean cooked by him in return, I practically waited on him hand and foot whenever he came to my place, plus I was able to cornrow his hair and gave up many hours of my time to do this which meant he was able to save money.
I also supported him with his career, spent hours practising for interviews for jobs, constantly gave him praise and encouragement when times he felt insignificant and quiet frankly I was his biggest fan!
I felt like my partner did not appreciate or recognize what I did for him and relationships are all about give and take; we give what we can and take when needed.
Unfortunately mine and my boyfriends relationship did not last, not solely because he refused to help me financially but it did open my eyes to the fact that he was selfish and I couldn’t rely on him when I needed him the most!
