You have probably listened to hundreds of podcasts, seen a thousand debates online, and even had a fair few discussions with your friends about men and money.
Should a woman have to go halves on dates, or should the man be expected to pay for it?
Should a man provide for a woman financially?
Is it the man’s job to invest financially in his female partner?
I guess it would be difficult to broach this subject without bringing up societies gender roles that we have been taught from young – women are nurturers and caregivers, and men are providers and protectors.
Whether you agree with this or not, we have (for the better) evolved when it comes to gender roles and gender inequality – albeit we still quiet a way to go!
Some women believe that may should pay for everything, and equally, some women can’t stand the thought of relying on a man financially.
And, of course, some women are independent but wouldn’t turn down help from the men in their life!
I don’t judge anyone on their views (unless they are hateful and harmful), everyone’s situation is different, and everyone has their own core values which manifests into the way they choose to live their life’s.
Money can be a touchy subject but there may be times we need our man to help us out financially, but before we delve into asking a man for money, there are 3 VERY important things we need to consider first, and they are:
The length of the relationship:
If you have only been seeing him for a short while or maybe you are not even in a relationship, then accept that there may be a chance that he won’t give it to you the money you need.
Some men may not feel comfortable giving or lending money to someone who they do not know that well, and asking too early on can also make the man feel like they are being used for money. It may even give him a negative impression of you!
If you are in the early stages of the relationship or just getting to know one another. avoid asking all the time, as you may be giving gold digger vibes or coming across as needy and desperate!
If you are in a committed relationship and have been for a while, then he will more likely want to help you out if he can!
His financial situation:
Whilst most woman appreciate a man that can help them financially, not every man is going to be in a position to be able to help you out!
If you know things are tight for him with money at the moment, and he is struggling to make ends meet, then it may be best to consider asking someone else, financial worries can cause breakdowns in relationships so it’s best to try and avoid that.
If he is doing well financially, then by all means, ask for help if you need it!
His mindset:
Some men believe they should provide for their families and partners and are more than happy and able to do so. This can be the case in some cultures, where having a woman foot the bill for anything is frowned upon.
Some men have lots of money and love spending on their partners and people that they are dating, and some men think women should pay their way and things should be equal.
This is why it is important to examine his mindset, because if he is a man that wants to provide, then he will likely have no problems with giving you money!
Asking A Man For Money:
So there are two different scenarios when asking a man for money, and I feel that both need covering!
You are either asking for a man to GIVE you money, or you are asking a man to BORROW you some money. Both would need to be broached a little differently.
How to ask a man for money that you plan to pay back:
Be honest:
If you asking your man for money, then you will need to be honest about the reason for borrowing it. It’s unlikely that he isn’t going to ask you what you need it for; most people want to know where their money is going, especially if it’s a large sum that is being borrowed!
Avoid being evasive about what you need the money for, this could make him suspicious and not want to lend you the money.
Being honest will likely get you the desired result; lying may breach his trust and prevent him from helping you if he finds out!
Come up with a payment plan:
Your man will likely feel more confident about giving you money if you devise a payment plan to repay him.
Ensure you let him know how and when you plan to pay it back, and if plans change then ensure you communicate. Relationships can break down when there is a lack of communication over finances.
Put it in writing:
When large sums of money are being borrowed it would be wise to put it in writing, so everyone is clear on expectations and it is legally binding! You may think this is over the top, but it could put both of your minds at ease.
How to ask for money that you do not wish to pay back:
Tell him what you need:
Not everything needs to be complicated, and if you want something, then you should ask for it! After all, you don’t ask then you don’t get!
If you want to treat yourself or need something for the house, tell him what you want or need. This may prompt him to offer to pay for it, but some men won’t always get the hint!
You may need to be more direct if he doesn’t get the hint!
Try something like….
“I am looking forward to our date night, I want to look my best, could you pay for me to get my hair done?
OR
“I am struggling financially at the minute, if it’s possible could you help me out with my rent this month?
Stroke his ego
All men want to feel good about themselves, and if you want him to treat you and pay for things here and there, then it may help to stroke his ego.
Men naturally want to provide and protect, so praising them for helping you can boost their confidence and make them feel like they are doing a good deed.
Give back
Whilst you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to return the ‘favour’ if your man gives you money. You also shouldn’t just take.
Relationships are about give and take and it likely won’t survive it’s all one sided, plus a man may feel he is being used or taken for granted if he is giving all the time and getting nothing back.
You might not have the financial means to give back by spending money on him, you can certainly give in other ways.
Make his favourite meal, do activities that he loves to do, or do something for him that will make his life easier.
Mantra care explains how giving back can strengthen the bond in the relationship, build trust, and shows that you care.
Woman that give to their partners have more chance of receiving it good things back!
Show gratitude:
No one wants to do anything for anyone who is ungrateful and unappreciative and a man surely won’t want to keep giving to someone who want , so be sure to show him some gratitude when you are asking a man for money!
