My WhatsApp pinged—yet again, another invite to a friend’s toddler’s birthday party. This was the 3rd party invitation this year, and it was only summer.
I would now spend my time debating whether I should go, if not going would make me a bad friend, would my friend be mad at me for not wanting to share her baby’s special day with her? If I buy them an extra special gift, would it soften the blow of my politely declining?
I even thought about making up an excuse as to why I couldn’t go, call me a coward or whatever you may, but I genuinely didn’t like to let people down, let alone the people I loved!
I love my family, friends, and their babies, but honestly, I cannot bear children’s birthday parties.
The repetitive baby songs that get stuck in your head for days, the screams of multiple toddlers piercing your eardrums and the endless boring conversation about how well their baby is sleeping and feeding were all too much too bare!
Not having children myself, just made attending these parties pointless and a little weird. Yes, I get that it isn’t about me but rather the child who you are celebrating, however, I always thought that children’s parties, (particularly young children) were for children, and an adult would attend to accompany them! If you have no children, why bother attending?
At this point, you are likely thinking I dislike children, quite the contrary, I have a great relationship with all the little people in my life and love spending time with them! I love the innocence of children, how honest and imaginative they are and that they just say what they see!
The first invitation I received, I politely declined and didn’t have to lie to get out of going, my friend had made it all too easy for me to miss because I lived in a different city and the party was only for 2 hours. She told me that she understood if I couldn’t make it, since the drive would take a while and may not be worth it, from that point, I pointed out that she was right, and declined, but I wished her darling daughter a fabulous day, anyway.
The second invitation was a little trickier. It was from a close friend who lived close by. It would be her child’s first birthday and I knew she would expect me to be there. The reason I knew this, was because we had a prior conversation, whereby I had told her that I was interested in attending a conference down south and she told me I would have to change the date because it was her son’s birthday weekend.
Having not had the heart to be honest and say I didn’t want to go, or not want to cause tension between my friend and me, I agreed to change the date of my conference. When I received the invitation a few weeks later, I accepted and attended the party.
Admittedly, the party wasn’t as bad as I expected, however, I still, would have rather not been there.
Now I know that no one held a gun to my head and nobody forced me to go and I could have spoken to my friend and told her exactly how I felt about attending children’s birthday parties and that actually, I didn’t feel all that comfortable in going and for that reason I would be sitting it out.
Time to speak up!
Now, by the time I had gotten to my 3rd invitation, I did exactly as I mentioned above. I made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to be doing anything I didn’t want to for fear that I would hurt people’s feelings.
I told my friend that I wouldn’t be attending due to feeling uncomfortable about it and to my surprise my friend found this quite disrespectful.
She couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want to spend the day celebrating her child’s birthday and felt it was my ‘duty’ to be there. She disagreed with the fact that I thought childless people going to parties was a bit weird and she felt I needed to ‘suck it up’ because it wasn’t about me but about her child.
This caused a huge rift in the friendship, but I stood my ground, and I didn’t go to the party. I figured that she didn’t have to agree with me but I felt it pretty immature that she would make such a big deal out of it.
I sent a card and gift as I normally would and I was thanked for this but things were certainly not the same!
It’s not the invite, it’s the expectation…
I want to make it clear, that the invitation isn’t the problem, it’s the expectation of one to be there and then feeling aggrieved if one turns it down!
It’s quite nice to receive an invite, it shows that you are being thought of, however, placing expectations on others only leads to disappointment, because not everyone will behave the way you want them to behave.
Placing expectations on others only makes them feel pressure and anxiety about living up to your expectations. This was the case for me and why I had never spoken up earlier, because I knew my friends expected me to attend the parties, and I didn’t want to let them down.
I feel falling out with a friend because they don’t want to attend your child’s party is a tad over the top and quite immature. I don’t think it’s worth the drama, over a party the child won’t even remember!
Revoke my ‘Auntie ‘ Card
It’s been 6 weeks since I told my friend I wouldn’t be attending her child’s party and things have been rather awkward, there has been minimal conversation and when we have spoken the tone is very different to what it was before.
I guess my friend is still mad because she felt that I wasn’t fulfilling my duties as an ‘Auntie’ – although not an aunt by blood, we were close friends so I would be known as such.
I don’t want to lose my friend or her child, but neither will I do things I don’t want to do to please her. To me, it’s not that serious!
My stance is that It won’t affect my relationship with the child by not being at their party and it should not affect the relationship with the parents either.
I will still always be there for my friend’s babies. If you need a babysitter and I am free, of course, I will watch them, of course, I will spend time with them, and protect and guide them, after all, it takes a village!
Final Thoughts
I understand that birthday parties are special events for parents, it is a chance to celebrate their little one’s milestones and have everyone make a fuss over their baby, which every child deserves on their special day, however, I don’t fancy sitting unconformably in a corner, being asked ‘which one is yours?’ and counting down the minutes until it’s over because quite frankly, as harsh as it sounds, I have better things to do with my time!
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