They say you can never truly know someone until you live with them, and I bet you if you are reading this post you agree entirely!
Whether you are at University or you are a professional, if you speak to anyone that has been house-sharing I bet they have a story or two to tell. From messy housemates to food-stealing roommates which can quickly make you hate them!
House sharing isn’t easy, co-living requires us to develop a certain skill set to enable us to survive the process, and even when you have the patience of a saint, you could still wind up living with a complete nightmare!
Sadly, buying property is becoming out of reach, meaning renting is often our only option, however increasing rent costs mean more and more of us have to house share to mitigate this.
Whilst there are many benefits to house sharing, such as having company and saving money, there are sadly downsides and if you are reading this, I guess you experiencing the downsides!
Put boundaries in place:
Establishing boundaries is the foundation for a healthy relationship to ensure everyone is clear on expectations.
Boundaries will let your roommate/housemate know what you will and won’t tolerate and sets the tone for how you want to be treated.
Whilst putting boundaries in place is important, unfortunately, there is no guarantee that they will be upheld and respected and when they are not, it may be useful to think about following the following steps:
Communicate:
If you are unhappy with your roommate/housemate’s behaviour, then the best thing you can do to address this situation is to talk to them about it.
Perhaps your roommate is messy, and you constantly have to pick up after them, or your roommate is loud and inconsiderate.
Whatever your situation, effective communication can help you find a solution
Listen: For communication to be effective, it is going to require you to listen. If you are approaching them with your concerns, then your roommate needs to be given the opportunity to respond to you or how will you ever work it out?
Avoid anger: Whilst you may be pissed off and ready to have another, It would be best to avoid talking to them if you or they are angry as this is likely to lead to conflict.
Anger will likely cause your tone to be too stern or even aggressive and when people are approached like this, then they will likely respond with anger too.
Check for understanding: It’s important that your roommate understands you why are upset or annoyed to iron out any differences, so when you are communicating, be sure to check that they actually understand where you are coming from.
Check for understanding: It’s important that your roommate understands you why are upset or annoyed to iron out any differences, so when you are communicating, be sure to check that they actually understand where you are coming from.
Show empathy:
For example, if they have been having a difficult time or are struggling, then it would be wise to show empathy. This is more than likely to result in changed behaviour from your roommate than it being met with no empathy which it may create further conflict.
Speak to your landlord:
If problems with your roommate or housemate are making you miserable and you are unable to resolve the situation, then it may be worth contacting your landlord or letting agent.
This would be particularly useful in situations whereby your roommate may be breaching their contract, for example, being a noise nuisance or having a pet.
If you are at College or University in accommodation provided by them then you could make a complaint to them, or even speak to the well-being and welfare teams that work within your University for advice on what to do on the situation!
Get some advice:
If you hate your roommate and you cannot see this changing, then it would be wise to get some advice!
If you are at College or University in accommodation provided by them then you could make a complaint to them, or even speak to the well-being and welfare teams that work within your University for advice on what to do on the situation!
Keep yourself to yourself:
If you get to the point where you hate your roomie, everything they do will probably irritate you, Just looking at them can put you in a bad mood!
If this is the case for you, you may want to keep yourself to yourself by only communicating with them when necessary. The less you have to do with them then, the less they irritate you!
Whilst it may not be ideal, and it may feel slightly awkward at times, or even create an atmosphere, it can help keep any conflict at bay.
You may wish to only go in communal spaces when they are not around and keep communication to a minimum.
Get out and about:
Whilst you shouldn’t have to leave your house if you hate your roommate and you are unhappy at home, then spending time outside of the house can be great for your mental health!
Mediation:
Mediation may be the answer when you hate your roommate!
Whilst you are probably thinking a professional mediation service costs money, if you are a student quite often, this can be sourced by your University or College for free.
Mediation will allow you both space to work through difficulties you have with one another in a safe space with a professional who will be neutral and will help you generate solutions.
Know when to move on:
If living with your roommate gets to the point where you are miserable and unhappy, and you have taken every step to try and improve your situation at home, then it might be a good time to think about moving on because your happiness should come first.
Sadly, sometimes despite trying to find solutions, there is no solution.
Perhaps you and your roommate are just two completely different people that will never see eye to eye, and that’s okay; we can’t get on with everyone we meet.
Your safety is also paramount, so if you ever feel that your safety is being compromised, you often feel scared in your own home, or uncomfortable quite often, then it is definitely time to move on!!
Staying with a roommate you hate is not worth having to suffer to the point it affects your health, well-being and safety!
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