Remember when we were younger, and everything was all about our friends? We would be with them every day if we could. Not seeing them for a few days felt like a lifetime, and friendship anxiety was common as we navigated our way through social interactions and sisterhood!
Then we grew up, and shit got real! We had bills to pay, mouths to feed, dreams to chase, and, well, our own lives to lead.
Some days we barely get time to take a piss let alone dedicate the little time we have to our friends. We are juggling work, side hustles, families, hobbies, exercise, dating, and relationships, and it can be hard to find time to fit everything in!
In our complex and busy lives, it is very common for adults to go weeks, months or in some cases years without seeing or talking to their best gal pals, but when we do see one another, it’s like we were just together yesterday.
What are low maintenance friendships?
Low-maintenance friendships are those in which time, attention, and connection aren’t demanded or forced.
There is a mutual respect for one another’s boundaries, lifestyle, space and time. In essence, there are no expectations or pressures to make yourself available to your friends, especially when you have conflicting priorities.
The great thing about low-maintenance friendships is that communication and gatherings don’t need to be frequent for them to survive. In fact, the friendship is secure regardless of whether you haven’t seen them for months, and this is because it is authentic—and usually, the bond you have runs deep!
An example of a low-maintenance friendship is one I have with one of my best friends, Shannen. We met while travelling solo in Thailand in 2020. We became like sisters travelling vicarious parts of Thailand together, and we are still like sisters now. We live on opposite sides of the country and probably see one another twice a year, max! We don’t talk often either due to having busy schedules and lives to lead.
We deeply understand that we can’t and won’t always be available. Despite this, neither of us has ever felt that our friendship isn’t safe because we haven’t ‘checked in’ with one another for a while, and when we do see and speak, we pick up where we left off!
Not seeing or talking all the time doesn’t make the friendship any less valuable in low-maintenance friendships; it can be just as strong, if not stronger, than friends who spend a lot of time together!
How are low maintenance friends important?
Have you ever had the experience of a ‘needy’ friend who demanded time and attention, and when you could not make yourself available, it caused issues within the friendship? Perhaps your friend thought you were neglecting them or felt you were not being a good friend because you could not make time.
Low-maintenance friendships are important because you won’t feel guilty about not being able to spend an hour on the phone putting the world to rights when you have a deadline to meet, and you won’t feel like you will lose a friend if you haven’t seen them in a while.
Life is difficult, and we are all trying to navigate it as best we can. Having low-maintenance friends who understand that we sometimes won’t be available makes our already complex lives much easier!
Low maintenance friendships don’t feel like a chore
At some point, we have all decided to meet up with a friend, but when it came down to it, you had changed your mind, and meeting them felt like a chore. You have spent the past twenty minutes trying to think of an excuse for why you can cancel, only to end up feeling bad and forcing yourself to go anyway!
That doesn’t make you a bad friend; that just makes you human. When you have low-maintenance friends, these incidents don’t occur as often, and you are more likely to be excited to see them and catch up!
There is no pressure to make time when you simply don’t have it
Not free for the next few weekends? No problem. You know your friends will understand, and you don’t have to worry about trying to squeeze a date in with your best gal pal.
It makes your time together extra special
There is something very exciting about seeing a friend you haven’t seen for a while. There is so much to catch up on and the meet-ups feel like no time has passed at all! You may see your friend again pretty soon, but it may be a while; either way, you cherish every moment you have together!
There is no need to feel guilty
Often, with high-maintenance friends, we can feel guilty when we haven’t been able to communicate or meet up, sometimes because they make us feel this way. Luckily, there is no need to feel guilty when we fall short in our friendships because there is an understanding that we have our own shit going on.
Ways in which we maintain the relationship are creative & flexible
Low-maintenance friends find creative and flexible ways to maintain their friendships.
I have one friend who sends me memes every time she sees something that reminds her of me, and I do the same to her. Although we don’t speak often, that is a way for us to keep our friendship alive and let one another know they are in our thoughts, and we have not seen one another in a while!
What low maintenance is NOT:
It’s important to understand that just because low-maintenance friendships require little effort, that doesn’t mean it can survive anything, and we do have to put the time and effort in to keep connection alive!
Of course, like all healthy friendships, it requires give and take, support, compassion, shared interests and/or values and morals and effective communication.
Bailing out on your friends all the time
Low-maintenance friendships are not an excuse to bail out on your friends all the time; you still need to make time for your friends to maintain the connection and bond you have. So, if you find yourself repeatedly being stood up by your friend(s), you may want to rethink your friendship and talk to them about this.
Only communicating when they initiate it
We’ve all been there: that one ‘friend’ we don’t hear from unless we initiate communication first – if we didn’t, we would probably never hear from them again.
We get it; some people are genuinely not great at communicating (I have a friend who takes days to respond to a message).
While low-maintenance friendships are understanding of the fact that we are not always available, they do require communication from both parties for yourself and your friends to feel valued in the friendship.
Not having time for your friends any longer because you have a new love interest
Admittedly, this is one of my pet hates: Your friend gets a new love interest, and messages and phone calls become scarce, and they don’t dedicate the time they used to. Managing a love interest, as well as all other aspects of your life, is something else that has to be fitted into your busy schedule, but ditching your friends because of it is a pretty shitty thing to do!
Only being there during the good times
We have to be there for our friends through the good times and the bad. Low-maintenance friendships aren’t an excuse to be nowhere to be found when times get hard for a friend. True friendship requires support, time, compassion, and empathy.
Psychology Today explains how maintaining a friendship won’t always be fun, and you should expect to drop everything at short notice to be there for your friends when needed!
