Dating should be fun and exciting, but for many people, it has become harder than ever. Instead of bringing joy, modern dating often leaves those looking for love feeling disappointed, frustrated, and burnt out.
With dating deep in the trenches, it’s no wonder more of us are single than ever before. But why is dating so hard these days? The reasons appear to be multifaceted. We asked women and men to give their honest opinions on modern dating and why navigating it feels so difficult today.
1. Unrealistic expectations
” I feel like many daters have unrealistic expectations and I think these expectations come from social media and celebrities, and of course ‘Cinderella syndrome’, We want what we see in the movies and on social media, but movies are not reality and people only show there best bits online, and it’s easy to fake happiness! I think we all just need to get a grip of reality lol”
Kera – 33
2. Laziness
“Laziness is one of the most underrated reasons why the dating scene is in the trenches! People moan about being single, but do absolutely nothing to make an effort and put themselves out there! I mean, how are you going to find someone if all you do is work and sit at home and watch streaming services and just swipe on a dating app a couple of times a week? You need to put yourself out there, try new things, and get out and talk to people. You put effort into your career, so why not dating? Your dream man/woman is not going to randomly knock on your door and sweep you off your feet!”
– Chantelle, 38
3. Men are expected to fund women’s life
“I struggle to date these days because there is now a culture where men are expected to pay for a woman’s life. Hair, nails, outings and some even expect men to cover rent! It’s getting ridiculous. Bearing in mind, these women are working average-paying jobs but want men that are in the top 1% earning category. I don’t mind paying for dates when we are getting to know one another, but I am not your ATM, I don’t work hard so you can reap the rewards for yourself”
-Dan, 29
4. There are too many unavailable people
” I feel like there are too many people who are unavailable but are pretending to be available. They will just breadcrumb you so they can get what they want out of you, knowing that their intentions are not pure. I have been a victim of this too many times, but now, as soon as I spot a red flag, I don’t ignore it and cut them off immediately, it will only end up in heartbreak if you don’t!”
-Ameera, 23
5. Hooking up culture has ruined dating
” Nobody wants to date anymore; everyone just wants to have sex, with no strings attached! Sex has become so much more accessible through dating apps and the internet in general. Phrases like ‘Netflix and chill’. and ‘Sliding to the dm’s’ has also glamorized casual sex. Society in general is just more promiscuous now, so that’s why it is becoming difficult to date and find love, because sadly, it’s all about sex!”
– Amy, 36
6. Men want ‘baddies’
” Most guys want a ‘baddie’ because social media has fed that is what is desired these days, therefore, average girls, who would in fact make great partners, are being overlooked because we don’t look a certain way! Both men and women are too concerned with looks and less about what actually matters, like substance, personality and morals”
– Niomi, 34
7. Cheating has been normalised
“I don’t think I know anyone my age who hasn’t been cheated on at some point or another. I have been cheated on in every relationship I have been in, and I am only 26. It’s been normalised because it happens so often. I’m not sure why cheating is so prevalent, but I believe it’s because traditional views on monogamy are being challenged in today’s society and glamorized by men in the public eye who are very wealthy, such as rappers and footballers!
-Tamara, 26
8. Relationship hopping is the new trend
“Ended a 10 year relationship last 2018 and since then, I have nothing to meet seriously. People nowadays doesn’t want to commit. Relationship hopping is the new trend and many prefer to be single. The views of dating really changed drastically.
Female 31 here, single since 2018. =)”
9. Superficiality
“Our culture has become obsessed with superficiality. This has left people not gifted with good looks struggling to find a partner, especially if they are middle aged and still single.”
10. Everyone is chasing perfection
” Everyone is chasing perfection, and so when they meet genuinely decent people that could make great partners they become put off, because that person may have a trait that doesn’t meet their perception of ‘perfect’ and instead of learning to accept it for who they are, they are dismissing them and continuing to chase perfection, but perfection doesn’t exist, in fact true love is flawed, and that’s what makes it beautiful. I think that social media and movies have a lot to do with why everyone feels they need to find the perfect partner”
Ki, 33
11. We are always looking for the next best thing
” People are so disposable these days, and it’s easy for us to get kicked to the curb if there is someone else who they deem ‘better’, we are never satisfied with what we have, we are always on the lookout for bigger and better! It becomes an endless chase that ultimately leads us to nowhere!”
-Kieran, 24
12. Women don’t want ‘broke’ men
” I think alot of women dont want ‘broke’ men and by broke, i mean men with normal jobs that live paycheck to paycheck like the majority of us, they want men earning 6 figures :(“
-Neil, 33
13. People are scared of commitment
“People are genuinely scared to commit to someone because being independent is pushed so much in society these days. They think if they commit to another person, then they will lose their independence!”
-Anton, 33
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14. Dating apps
“I find chatting online to be very boring. It’s hard to tell if the person you’re talking with is interested or not. Also, you feel tied to your phone because you don’t know when the other person will text you and if you don’t reply right away, will they think you’re avoiding them. It’s complicated and unpredictable. You might find better success with talking to people offline. I find that when people have a dating mindset, they’re very picky and quick to leave when there’s no initial spark. However, if you meet people outside of dating apps and let your friendship blossom into something more, I think you’ll have a greater chance of getting into a relationship. I believe most long term relationships happen by chance and not by dating apps.”
15. People don’t know who they are
“Someone once said, “If you don’t know why you’re single, that’s probably why you’re single.” You have to know who you are, what you’re looking for, and what the people you want are looking for. It doesn’t make it much easier besides weeding out the people you don’t want and realizing what “type” you are. All that reflection is hard, but not doing it is part of why so many people end up in bad relationships. Also meetup groups “even ones that aren’t exclusively for dating” are a good way to meet people IRL.”
16. Preferences are fickle
“Dating sucks because people think they know exactly what they want but the reality is, everyone’s preferences are so fickle and most of dating is projecting what you want them to be.
Such a unicorn finding someone who’s actually comfortable with themselves and are genuinely curious about you.
Hot take: If you ain’t comfortable being single, then you ain’t ready for a relationship. Otherwise you have desperate for love people trying to rush into something not good.”
17. It’s too expensive to date
” In my culture, men are expected to pay for dates and be the providers. Right now, my finances are not where I want them to be, so for myself and the men I am around, we will take a step back from dating when we are not in a financially secure position. A lot of men from all cultures feel pressure to pay for dates and are judged harshly if they want to go halves, so a lot of us have just stopped dating, especially in this economy!”
-Dami, 30
18. People are not interested
“people don’t seem to be as interested in dating as they used to be. Studies have shown that people are more happy being single than they ever have been in the past. We don’t have nearly as much pressure to get married and have kids as we used to. I personally started getting dating burn-out a couple years ago and on most nights I would much rather just have some good friends over for dinner or hang out with my two pups than go on a date.”
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